tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40628572011-04-21T17:19:25.277-07:00Satire, it's the new black.Johnnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1221100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1171092442586740962007-02-09T23:15:00.000-08:002007-02-09T23:40:22.746-08:00

I'm cooking with my daughter and she tells me that someone should change the name of Extra Virgin Olive Oil to Rachael Ray Sauce. When I point out that Olive Oil is not only extremely appropriately named, it's also been around for a long time and seems to be doing pretty well as is. Undaunted, she points out that everyone also knows Rachael Ray and that she says EVOO all the time on her show

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1170132777358988862007-01-29T20:38:00.000-08:002007-01-29T20:52:57.370-08:00

We're starting our kitchen remodel and expect the contractor to begin demolition on Wednesday. Because putting in a kitchen requires no less than 11ty Billion decisions before you can get started, it's actually taken almost 2 years to get to this point. And, quite honestly, I've had it already. Why in the name of all that is holy can't I just go into a Kitchen store, point and say; "I'll take

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1168303836705134162007-01-08T16:32:00.000-08:002007-01-08T16:50:36.720-08:00

How old do you have to be to stop getting the call to help a friend move? It's older than 38. I'm sore today, but it was worth doing. Not because he is a good friend -- I've stiffed a lot of friends on moving day and they all got over it. It was worth it because after seeing all his shit in total disarray and piled up all over the place it made me realize that I too have way too much shit. I

Johnnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1129169192513636542005-10-12T18:45:00.000-07:002005-10-12T19:06:32.520-07:00

This weekend we were driving to the hardware store, discussing the stuff we were going to do to update the kitchen when out of the back seat Alex starts singing the Green Day song. Sure, the lyrics aren't too tough -- unburdened poetic syntax to be sure, but he's four. I don't know how he got to know the song, or why, but certainly it is too much to assume it is talent passed down genetically.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1126755625697711302005-09-14T20:37:00.000-07:002005-09-14T20:40:25.696-07:00

an amazing thing. This email address was one that I got about 12 years ago. The account is long dead, the company bought out years ago, then bought out again. Each time, the email address was supposed to have died... but alas, I still receive spam to my dear old rocket account at Contra Costa Networks.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1126755427608409872005-09-14T20:34:00.000-07:002005-09-14T20:37:07.613-07:00

I had another cat scan and will find out on Friday if I need to go in for another knee surgery. Possibly, the continued pain I am having is due to one or more of the screws sticking through my bone and muscle and rubbing against my tendons. Seriously uncomfortable.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1125296147925362542005-08-28T22:51:00.000-07:002005-10-12T17:53:58.100-07:00

The wife and I went out on a date last night. It started out as a nice idea, dinner and a movie without the kids. Pretty much the standard night out for a couple of old married folks. The Pleasant Hill theaters is perfect for us, it is a nice new theater, has a good restaurant across the street. BTW, try Left Bank. And, most importantly, it is very close to my mother-in-law's house. In case

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1124692172996510222005-08-21T23:25:00.000-07:002005-08-21T23:29:32.996-07:00

I just deleted a spam comment from my blog. This isn't big news, there are a lot of spammers and blogs are a place where eyeballs congregate, but why my blog? I have exactly, um, let me count... yes, 0, a big fat zero -- no readers. Hell, I barely even read this. I feel a little bad for the spammer that pulled the short straw and had to hit me. Tomorrow, when he is fired for not getting any

Johnnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1124691824917804262005-08-21T23:18:00.000-07:002005-08-21T23:23:44.923-07:00

My laptop is dead. It was made in 2001, there is no surprise that it died, and luckily, the data has been saved. Now I must shop for a new one or see if this one can be repaired. What a pain in the ass.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1124083620711638932005-08-14T22:20:00.000-07:002005-08-14T22:27:00.716-07:00

All the stuff on the list this weekend (including the dump run) has been finished. And, I still had time to go out and get drunk with the Wife and some friends last night. I'm especially happy that when cleaning out my closet I found my portable DVD burner -- all that "extra stuff" off my work computer can finally be taken care of. Tomorrow, maybe a trip to the DMV to register the motorcycle...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1123916555854172212005-08-12T18:14:00.000-07:002005-08-13T00:02:35.893-07:00

Recently I traded my BMW M3 convertible in for a 4 door sedan... A nice "dad car," but a "dad car" nonetheless. While I'll miss the M3 there was always something wrong with it. I'm not talking about all the service calls, those are expected with a high strung beauty like that. The car was missing a critical component of all enthusiast cars; the wave. This led me to think that all the really

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1123482190160134962005-08-07T23:06:00.000-07:002005-08-07T23:23:10.166-07:00

i kind of gave up on the blogging thing. It's something that my friends are much better at than I am, so I assumed that I pretty much sucked at it and probably should quit and save the world a little extra white noise. Also, I'm not that interesting... So, what changed? Someone quoted me. This would have gone completely unnoticed, except my sister (who clearly has too much time on her hands

Johnnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1108584698514796992005-02-16T11:51:00.000-08:002005-02-16T12:11:38.516-08:00

I'm able to remove my brace which is great news. However, when my surgeon put my X-rays up on the wall, I could see where the cadaver bone and my bone were screwed to a metal plate. That isn't unusual, I guess it will take about a year for it to heal. I did, however, notice something unusual. I was told that I had 4 screws and a plate put in my bone. The X-ray I was looking at had 8 screws,

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1108350297755322792005-02-13T18:17:00.000-08:002005-02-13T19:04:57.756-08:00

Yesterday a lady walks up to me and my kids while we were waiting to be served at a restaraunt. She looks at me in the wheelchair and asks my daughter what happened. After she told her, the lady looked at me and said "you have to think of them, you know." She was awfully serious when she asked me if I was going to do "it" again. It took a lot of thinking, but I responded to her concerned

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1107215786184364872005-01-31T15:44:00.000-08:002005-01-31T16:02:43.186-08:00

I've been gimping around for several days now and can honestly say that this whole broken leg thing sucks. Sure, it's nice to have my parents move in and help out around the house while I'm down, but there isn't much else to be happy about. My pain medication makes me woozy and it's hard to concentrate for long periods of time so I've been using that great crutch of the short of attention.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1106260160643965842005-01-20T14:29:00.000-08:002005-01-20T14:29:20.643-08:00

I went to a racing school last weekend and to anyone who thinks they would be slightly interested in it, I would recommend it. We were able to ride in some older Formula race cars and get instruction from some experienced and very knowledgeable instructors. It was a driving experience that makes everything else fade by comparison.The level of safety combined with the classroom sessions and the

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1105685755593446792005-01-13T22:55:00.000-08:002005-01-13T22:55:55.593-08:00

I picked up my new toy this weekend, a Ducati Monster 750. These bikes are not for the feint of heart (which ones are?) with their growling exhaust and exposed frame they are unmistakably Italian. Built as much through lust as engineering, it is a red, dynamic and visceral machine. I think I'm going to enjoy it very much. The guy I bought it from had nicknamed it Duche after the dictator. I

Johnnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1105609971045155682005-01-13T01:52:00.000-08:002005-01-13T09:44:11.856-08:00

Please go to this website, make a comment and pass it on to anyone you can before the day is up. http://www.californiahammonds.com/

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1104019930248012502004-12-25T16:12:00.000-08:002004-12-25T16:16:48.580-08:00

Here's wishing you peace and health.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1103009917223931222004-12-13T23:15:00.000-08:002004-12-13T23:38:37.223-08:00

Friday was a great day. After skipping out of work early, I went to the movies with Greg and Greg the monkey twins. We saw Blade 3. Now, if you haven't heard about this flick, I assure you that the two jumbo sized beers we each downed while watching Snipes kill the goofiest Dracula ever committed to celluloid was the bare minimum... my recommendation is to go for hard alcohol and hit it early.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1103008502233841902004-12-13T23:10:00.000-08:002004-12-13T23:15:02.233-08:00

So, it seems as though if you kill your pregnant wife and dump her body into the Bay, at least 12 people will absofuckinglutly know that you are an asshole. Scotty is going to have a real fun time at San Quentin where he'll wake up every day and smell the same water where he dumped his victims.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1099365629774838492004-11-01T19:11:00.000-08:002004-11-01T19:20:29.773-08:00

I started my new job today. The company is similar to my old one except the management at this place isn't infected with ass-juice sucking lizard-faced bitches from hell. It is, however, a lot of work. It's nice to feel challenged at work and have a lot to do. It's also nice not to have to deal with lizard bitches... they suck... ass juice. I suppose I'll miss some of the people I worked

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1099365111803768982004-11-01T19:10:00.000-08:002004-11-01T19:11:51.803-08:00

The 3rd grade kid at my daugters school who came dressed in a grey suit, white shit, red tie and a Richard Nixon mask.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1097288323195164952004-10-08T19:17:00.000-07:002004-10-08T19:18:43.196-07:00

The best line in the debate: "I own a lumber company? That's news to me"... pause... "Need some wood?" -W

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1096950312128065152004-10-04T21:20:00.000-07:002004-10-04T21:25:12.126-07:00

Retirement is cool. My dad came for a visit this weekend after going to Jellystone. He hung out for a couple of days and we watched every Bay Area team lose (including my daughter's soccer team) then, on Sunday after the Raider game, he got a bug in his ass to go see Mt. Saint Helens blow her stack. So, instead of heading home with the Land Yacht, he got directions to Washington and was off.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1096949998639275872004-10-04T21:15:00.000-07:002004-10-04T21:19:58.640-07:00

my workout buddy and I were all set to go for a run when I offered another possibility... how about a beer? Next thing you know, we are drinking all night and the gym is once again avoided.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1096948744058931322004-10-04T20:55:00.007-07:002004-10-04T20:59:04.056-07:00

Unbelievable. Transformers are still around. The Boy is enthralled by the robots in disguise. Optimus Prime rocks.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1090305898906419582004-07-19T23:40:00.000-07:002004-07-19T23:44:58.906-07:00

I thought I had a dream last night - my wife was telling me there was a pig running down our street. When I woke up, she asked me if I saw the pig being chased by the neighbors dog. Well, it's not everyday you get to see a wild pig being chased down your street and I can't believe I missed it. I've learned my lesson: always be ready, you never know when a pig will come running down your

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1090204600823122212004-07-18T19:14:00.000-07:002004-07-18T19:36:40.823-07:00

After many years of toughing it out, my grandmother died today. She survived a lot of wild stuff in her days and after the stroke, the home stretch was no picnic. But man, what a lady. She survived WW2 on Malta and immigrated to the US soon after. Her life as an immigrant (as anyone could guess) wasn't glamourous, but to me she always was. Like only a grandma can, she loved to spend time

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1089262780004962242004-07-07T21:56:00.000-07:002004-07-07T21:59:40.003-07:00

I've had the 1 Gig of email space available for over a week and exactly 3 emails recieved. I can't seem to get excited about another webmail account...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1089262593662902742004-07-07T21:54:00.000-07:002004-07-07T21:56:33.663-07:00

The improvements are noticeable upon my return - everything from comments to new templates. Glad to see it.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1089261390345763722004-07-07T21:25:00.000-07:002004-07-07T21:36:30.346-07:00

One on the things I picked up since moving to the liberally encrusted Bay Area is an interest in the shooting sports. Yes, the most Republican of all hobbies. What can I say, I love to shoot skeet. There is a great challenge in it and I've met some really interesting people out there. I hadn't been up to the field in over five years and was just going to have a little fun. One of my

Johnnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1089260694134620052004-07-07T21:23:00.000-07:002004-07-07T21:24:54.136-07:00

I guess it's been long enough. While nothing new has happened in the last 6 months since I looked at this blog, I thought I'd take a few minutes to document my own personal brand of nothing.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1074272519206376432004-01-16T09:01:00.000-08:002004-01-16T09:05:01.856-08:00

Raindrops keep falling on my head Since migrating the boy to a "big-boy bed" for safety reasons... He was scaling the walls of his little prison and while it is pretty cute to watch we were sure that he was eventually going to break his neck. We now have another problem... He has discovered freedom and he likes it. We have had a little visitor each night for the last week. Not such a bad thing

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1074272121229619172004-01-16T08:55:00.000-08:002004-01-16T09:04:25.390-08:00

The Dirty Dozen I counted 12 dead animals on the road on the way to work this morning... 1 Mule Deer 2 Fox 1 Dog 1 Opossum 5 Skunk 2 Unknown The foxes and the dog were a related incident... Brutal day for wildlife in the East Bay.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1073088994326111752004-01-02T15:55:00.000-08:002004-01-02T16:20:23.903-08:00

Working from home I've been working from home all week and the workload is light so I've been trying to get through some of the bigger projects that have been on my plate. I was certain that I could get the Marketing Plan put together for 2004, file my expense report after reconfiguring my laptop, and then back up all my data. What really happened is quite different. Yes, I kept up with the

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-107251219727405862003-12-27T00:03:00.000-08:002003-12-27T00:07:53.450-08:00

Merry Christmas I know it's not exactly PC to use the term Christmas... We're supposed to say something like Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or some other vapid little salutation... But I'm not. While I seriously doubt that this was the day a certain Nazarene made a mess out of some stable in Bethlehem, I do believe there was someone in that manger and the message attributed to him is one

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1071987587597607492003-12-20T22:19:00.000-08:002003-12-27T00:05:01.013-08:00

More from the road... On the way to work on Friday I was listening to the radio "KFOG traffic... We are reporting a multiple car accident on the south bound 580 at the 13 on ramp..." And just as I heard the news, it registers... I'm less than a minute away from that on ramp... And sure enough, I come around the bend and see a couple of cars, some cops and a blocked freeway. So, here's where I

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1071527923954210662003-12-15T14:38:00.000-08:002003-12-15T14:39:54.716-08:00

Faking it I'm home from work today because my daughter is faking the flu. She doesn't know how I know, but she knows I'm on to her. I was going to make her stay in bed all day, have nothing but water, 7Up and medicine but I couldn't take the whining. So, she's watching Noggin, eating and drinking and generally not doing what she's supposed to today... Not like me, I'm sitting here watching

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1070923983984350882003-12-08T14:40:00.000-08:002003-12-08T14:54:05.326-08:00

scared by clowns? not me, but here's something really scary. I saw a license plate frame that read "My other Saturn saved my life"... I know that a lot of people get in accidents every day and that safe cars are a good thing... What I didn't know was that Saturn takes it one step further and actually has a marketable accessory for drivers who for whatever reason have destroyed one and have come

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-107033320124005452003-12-01T18:07:00.000-08:002003-12-01T18:47:33.700-08:00

There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance I found out today that a friend doesn't like Rush... Not a ground breaking revelation… but, in a very specific way… to me… it is. See, I remember when Rush 2112 was released – the very day. It was the first rock album I listened to at Marc’s house... the older, way cooler guy who lived next door... I was in grade school… he had a

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1070179403759099942003-11-29T23:52:00.000-08:002003-11-30T00:04:14.496-08:00

Vacation I love vacation... up until recently it hasn't been a big deal for me but now I'm hooked... in the last three months I've been to Vegas, Sonoma, Maui, Palm Springs, and I have one more before the year is out... this is getting to be dangerous. Not only am I getting fat, I think I forgot how to work...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1070178751840348572003-11-29T23:46:00.000-08:002003-11-29T23:53:21.873-08:00

Aloha Golf I've combined two great things into one... golf and the Aloha Spirit that I cought while on vacation in Maui last month... I can't explain it to anyone who doesn't golf or hasn't been to Hawaii (or another Pacific Island)... but if you have, and you do, it's self evident.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1070178393902023282003-11-29T23:37:00.000-08:002003-11-29T23:47:24.013-08:00

Go, Speed, Go! I just got back from a week in Palm Springs and had a little drive home through "The Southland" on "The 101" (yes, I was raised in So Cal and all roads are preceded with "the")... it was a crazy drive... I had to pretend I was Steve McQueen in Le Mans just to get through it... I often pretend I'm Steve McQueen... that's a different story.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1069200947997439172003-11-18T16:10:00.000-08:002003-11-18T16:16:22.606-08:00

I’m back Yes, I was oppressed by the weight of the blog - the constant pulling at the core of my on-line being every time I simply wanted to check out the going rate for a vintage shirt on ebay... but time has cleansed me and I'm back. The furtive glimpses into my rapidly darkening soul will be revealed again and again as you return.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1065675546824473522003-10-08T21:59:00.000-07:002003-10-08T21:59:06.156-07:00

There I was just a walkin down the street When I came across this big event that was a supporting people with breast cancer and those who were left behind. There was a big speech by one of the city politicians and there were t-shirts strung around the plaza. These shirts varied between corporate sponsored preprinted full-color shirts and simple white ones with scrawled messages from a

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1064353015941635952003-09-23T14:26:00.000-07:002003-09-23T14:37:58.566-07:00

Shake your body... After my workout I stumble into the locker room and for whatever reason notice that I've got the best body in the room. This is a first. I must now admit that it was around 2:00 and the competition was not very formidable, but still...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1063684523951835252003-09-15T20:47:00.000-07:002003-09-15T21:03:18.833-07:00

Who's a cunning linguist? What the hell did he just say? Yeah, that's me... I'm the one that is always coming up with the notable quotables. Yesterday I was telling a story that someone didn't get and I popped off with "hang on, let me throw it in reverse, come back, and pick you up"... she got it the second time... last week it was "You can paint that pony any color you like but it 'aint gonna

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1063683922515710152003-09-15T20:28:00.000-07:002003-09-15T20:54:24.506-07:00

I'm Leaving Las Vegas We're in Vegas at the MGM for fight weekend... "The Golden Boy" vs. "Sugar Shane"... not the place to be if you are not a fight fan... I'm there with my wife for her 20th reunion... man was that fun, all the folks she knew in high school... now they are all 20 years older and amazingly, so few of them have changed much... the cheerleader types all ditched their hubbies and

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1062649738776404842003-09-03T21:28:00.000-07:002003-09-03T21:28:58.720-07:00

On the question of hair The routine is always different, but it's always the same... I'm in a strange town, all alone and... once I start thinking about it, I just can't stop myself... launch sequence activated... I begin to act... I'll get slipped a note by the all knowing local and feverishly walk to the place... I quickly check in and wait my turn... plenty of magazines around to give me

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1062044429114799232003-08-27T21:20:00.000-07:002003-08-27T21:20:29.100-07:00

Cruz-in So I'm going to have lunch with Cruz BustedMonkey tomorrow. Let me say that my first reaction was to support him for the Governorship but once I found out how many people have their hands up his ass, it became clear that he couldn't work in my best interest any more than that sell out GD could. I have no idea what I'm going to say to the guy, but have you seen him? Lunch has to be

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1062042424591535092003-08-27T20:47:00.000-07:002003-08-27T20:47:04.480-07:00

I want my baby back, baby back, baby back... So, I'm sitting in on a meeting where a rather large girl is daintily eating on her vinagrette laced weed salad and I'm just about to bust. Who the hell does she think she's kidding? I wanted to send a warning to Wilber, cause as soon as she gets home, she's eating the whole damn pig. An ass like that needs maintenance.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1060620828809957912003-08-11T09:53:00.000-07:002003-08-11T09:53:48.616-07:00

Oh, by the way To the folks on the Oracle boat... yeah, if you need some crew... just let me know. I saw your spinnaker in the water and quite frankly, that's some pretty shitty sailing for such a nice boat...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1060620692496443622003-08-11T09:51:00.000-07:002003-08-11T09:51:32.300-07:00

Ass kicked Sailing this Saturday with a new crew on a new boat... a much less experienced crew on a much smaller and faster boat... with a Skipper who is bent on getting his boat to go as fast as possible... we crashed twice. I've not been in a full breach (boat sideways in the water) before, and was working foredeck when it happened... something about hanging from the mast and looking at

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1059631766168501722003-07-30T23:09:00.000-07:002003-07-30T23:09:26.193-07:00

Musings from NY I want to wake up in a city that never sleeps... It sucks being a non-native, non-connected guy in this town. I found out that the city is completely different for an attractive 20 something girl (that gave me some great leads on clubs to hit) than a mediocre 30 something guy - so, unless you are a hot babe, never take a lead from a hot babe... I'm watching people dancing at The

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1059106060866784152003-07-24T21:07:00.000-07:002003-07-24T21:07:40.843-07:00

I know you really want to be me Today was one of those sucky days that ended on a real high note. I got my daughter an iMac for Christmas and she is just getting into it. This is the transcript from my IM with my her tonight... (Her posts with the >>>) Rendezvous IM with First Name Giovanna Last Namebobincheck 8:24 PM >>>i can not waite for tomoro Do you think we will have fun? >>>YES What

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1059017437173904722003-07-23T20:30:00.000-07:002003-07-23T20:32:42.996-07:00

There aught to be a law against the self centered ass wipes At my local 24 Hour Fitness, this guy had all his shit laid out all over the bench covering every single square inch. Me and my He says "yeah" "Well, can I get a corner?" "Sure" At this point he drags his wet swim trunks all the way across the bench leaving a slimy trail of ass heated water across the bench. What a dick!

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1058911173324940962003-07-22T14:59:00.000-07:002003-07-22T14:59:33.106-07:00

The waiting is the hardest part Two evil little rodent sons of Saddam made someone a cool $30Mil today (that's $15 per). Can't wait until someone collects the big $25 Mil prize and turns in the Baath bastard.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1058810504270193012003-07-21T11:01:00.000-07:002003-07-21T11:05:34.086-07:00

Friendster I was just putting up a picture of myself on that nifty site and all I can say is that it's a good thing the jpg is messed up and pixelated - it's the best picture of me out there.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1058205141102084932003-07-14T10:52:00.000-07:002003-07-14T10:52:20.920-07:00

Pool Daze It was hot here today. Really hot. Africa Hot. And, since we don’t have air conditioning I took a gang of kids to the pool to cool off. While the pool is evacuated for “adult swim”, I take them to the snack bar. You’ve been to this place – maybe not this one, but you’ve seen it at any of the millions of community pools or little league fields. Staffed by a couple of high school

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057905220078974892003-07-10T23:33:00.000-07:002003-07-10T23:33:40.053-07:00

New Car There are plenty of four seat convertibles out there and I've settled on the BMW 3 series (preferably an M). That's not so bad is it? No. The problem is I drive like a complete maniac and I expect that putting me in a BMW instead of a lowly Miata will get me a lot of those really nasty comments from other drivers. If you drive a convertible you get used to watching other drivers who

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057904060006449782003-07-10T23:14:00.000-07:002003-07-10T23:14:19.960-07:00

T3 As unlikely as it may seem, this was one of the best sequels I've seen in a long time. And, Arnold looks pretty damn good for someone who can legitimately join AARP.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057647781309096462003-07-08T00:03:00.000-07:002003-07-08T00:03:01.276-07:00

They weren't even remotely interested I called all the local newspapers and told them that I wasn't interested in recieving their paper... 30 minutes later I called them all back and asked for the decision maker of the office... I told them I wasn't interested in recieving their paper... I called back the next night and told them that I wouldn't be interested in getting the newspaper everyday

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057192787888575412003-07-02T17:39:00.000-07:002003-07-02T17:39:47.806-07:00

It's not my fault. I'm in Orlando FL last week working a Trade Show and since I set-up quickly I had a night free. So, instead of curling up in the wonderful bed the Westin had provided, I decide to go out and have a drink and a cigar. Luckily for me, there is a little bar that caters to the specific kind of loser that I am. Scotch and a cigar, pretty easy stuff. Should have been in bed by 11

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057189741292279472003-07-02T16:49:00.000-07:002003-07-02T16:49:01.170-07:00

I now have the ability to send an audio/video stream from my laptop with my wireless card - I am a traveling wireless TV station. Just think of the possibilities people... it's "Me" wherever I go and whatever I do... tune in at 7:30 tonight when I floss. It will be riveting. I never do a good job on the back molars and you can cheer me on in the privacy of your own screen.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057189538293849992003-07-02T16:45:00.000-07:002003-07-02T16:45:38.186-07:00

F.A.T.S. (Fudge All that Stuff - jeeze my Mommy might read this) It's the all purpose arguement ender. Don't like where things are going? Just wave the hand and slide out the "F.A.T.S." - there is no response.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057189405149017452003-07-02T16:43:00.000-07:002003-07-02T16:43:25.056-07:00

Harry Potter 5 - it strictly follows the structure of the last four so, big whoop. I do like the some of the dialog and don't think it was a complete waste but won't be reading it again soon.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-1057189327340476002003-07-02T16:42:00.000-07:002003-07-02T16:42:07.250-07:00

Damn, it's been a long time since I've published. I guess being busy has it's drawbacks.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-956796292003-06-14T23:12:00.000-07:002003-06-14T23:12:51.006-07:00

I lead a life heavily influenced by luck and coincidence. We run to the BART train to get back to work after a meeting and just as the train is taking off, two girls get on and sit in the seat behind us. Halfway through our conversation, Greg still doesn’t believe I’m talking to my niece from Boise. It’s a quick conversation as we’re only going one stop and I’ll probably not see her again

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-956784432003-06-14T22:14:00.000-07:002003-06-14T22:25:28.000-07:00

It’s our turn in the barrel John Stamos is pitching a phone service while Tears for Fears is playing in the background. In another ad, ALF is pushing long distance for a buck. Advertisers hit two main demographics: people wealthy enough to buy what they sell or the easy mark – young people. So why the 80’s trivia into advertising? Bad news cheese, we’ve gotten to the point where we should

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-956188982003-06-12T22:36:00.000-07:002003-06-12T22:36:32.213-07:00

It’s rerun season and I’m happy I’m watching the Bernie Mac show and laughing my ass off.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-955380992003-06-10T22:51:00.000-07:002003-06-10T22:51:06.813-07:00

Horribly, horribly wrong. I’m watching “House Hunter” tonight. I’m sure you’ve never seen it because it really sucks. It’s a show that follows around a real estate agent and a homebuyer and you can tell how long you have been watching it by counting the number of times the agent says “Why don’t we go look at…”. The math is simple – they say it about 5 times per minute. Bad dialogue is one

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-953595052003-06-05T23:07:00.000-07:002003-06-05T23:09:26.000-07:00

What the world needs now... Is a handy movie guide that will tell me how far into a movie I can go without missing anything important. Since I have Digital, there is always the problem of finding out too late that a movie on the fringe of my interest has already started. The range would be something like 45 minutes for "Matrix Reloaded" and absol-freaking-zero for "Mulholland Drive".

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-952571322003-06-03T15:38:00.000-07:002003-06-03T15:38:21.693-07:00

PTO OK, so I've been on PTO (that's paid time off) for awhile and have recently become aware that there is a world outside of the cube I (too) rutinely inhabit. It's funny, I'm only taking the time off because my company is forcing the issue. And the more I take off, the more I don't want to come back... I have a great tan (at least a great farmer's tan), am more relaxed and breezed through

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-948396982003-05-24T15:04:00.000-07:002003-05-24T15:04:08.963-07:00

Barbara dropped the hookah and everything went to shit. On the last day in Vegas Barb, Paul and I are walking through a mall when we come up on a hookah shop. Sammy the hookah boy offers a hit off the huge bong and I'm saying "yeah, sure why not." Sammy is playing up the Egyptian bazar thing like crazy. Among other fun lies he tells me that the hookah is great for your health and I've decided

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-945239962003-05-17T21:44:00.000-07:002003-05-17T22:00:07.000-07:00

Viva Las Vegas I'm heading back to LV tomorrow morning for three days of vericose vein building trade show torture. I finally got a little smarter and bought a ticket to "O". No you pinheaded perv - it's the Cirque Du Soleil show at the Bellagio. This should be good. The flip side is that I'm nagged by the reminder of the violence from my last trip. It's amazing how quick we adapt to

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-945234132003-05-17T21:24:00.000-07:002003-05-17T21:24:40.496-07:00

Sailing takes me away... Expecting seriously heavy winds, we started the Regatta today with small sails. Unfortunately, the wind in the SFBay didn't really pick up like we had planned and we were pretty much racing with a slow boat all day. Nothing sucks quite like racing a 4 hour race and knowing within the first 15 minutes that you are screwed. We made a late push, but in the end we couldn't

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-944908582003-05-17T00:56:00.000-07:002003-05-17T00:58:25.000-07:00

Blah, Blah, Blah I was at a conference last week and one of the speakers was John Dvorak. He had a lot of interesting takes, but the funniest subject was his rip on Bloggers. That's how lame I am, I didn't even know there was a long history to this...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-944901252003-05-17T00:18:00.000-07:002003-05-17T00:20:39.000-07:00

If you gotta die, It's come to this. If you are going to get killed in California the deciding factor in whether you get your 15 minutes posthumously seems to be dependent on whether or not your support contingent can muster some appealing pictures with a great smile. And they better not be checking any of the other boxes in the ethnicity section of the police report. From Diane Whipple to

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-944900222003-05-17T00:14:00.000-07:002003-05-17T00:20:55.000-07:00

I have seen the other side and it is good. I finally got to play golf at the local country club and won the long drive contest. Yeah, nailing a 310 yard drive is cool, but the 200 yard second shot to an elevated green was better. For 3 years I could see the course from my house, but up to now have been stuffed into the Municipal courses amongst the teeming hordes of the unwashed. I'm not

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-941862612003-05-11T22:21:00.000-07:002003-05-11T22:21:04.556-07:00

She Spies is a funny TV show. Try it.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-941861362003-05-11T22:17:00.000-07:002003-05-11T22:17:15.023-07:00

A little note to the guy on the 680 today: Yeah, I saw you singing in your car. I could tell you really suck at it too. BUT you did not see me laughing and there was no need to stop on my account. I sing in the car all the time and there is no way I'd stop just because you were looking at me.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-939408162003-05-07T11:17:00.000-07:002003-05-07T11:19:13.000-07:00

The end of the periodical In one of those moods about a year ago, I ordered something like 7 magazine subscriptions. So for the last year, I haven't read one book - only magazines. Mostly car magazines. While I was satiated at first, the monthly grind is getting a little tedious. I'm ready for them to stop coming. I'm also looking forward to getting back to my regular reading habits. Then

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-932856972003-04-26T00:20:00.000-07:002003-04-26T00:23:52.000-07:00

When I'm not being me When I listen to Mark Knopfler I can play guitar When I listen to Rush I can play the drums When I listen to Otis I can sing When I listen to Thelonious Monk I wonder what the hell he was thinking When I listen to Stevie Ray Vaughn I wonder what the hell Jimi would think When I listen to Propellerheads I don't have to think When I watch Tiger Woods I can golf When I

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-930623682003-04-22T12:00:00.000-07:002003-04-22T12:00:47.586-07:00

Dancing with myself Now that Greg's link to my site has aged, I'm back to playing with myself. I've started using a tracking service to find out if there are any lurkers out there.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-929178332003-04-19T21:21:00.000-07:002003-04-19T21:21:53.920-07:00

Please stop I'm sick of watching people talk to their dogs. It's really a public display of stupid. Everyone knows they are telepathic and ultimately it pisses them off that you don't know it. Don't believe me? Go up to your dog and give it a try.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-929171982003-04-19T21:06:00.000-07:002003-04-19T21:06:03.653-07:00

Can you keep a secret? Since you are my bestest of all friends and everything... and we DID pinky swear... I've just got to tell you... now remember, you promised not to tell ANYONE... OK, here it goes... Wait, are you sure you are ready for this?... OK... Anyway, here it goes... Such is the intricate verbal handshake of the creature known as my daughter. I have no idea what will come next (

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-927995752003-04-17T14:03:00.000-07:002003-04-17T14:06:46.000-07:00

Later, the same day at the very same gym… We come upon two young Latino males dancing around the scale in the locker room. Let’s pick-up the action as your intrepid author comes into view… Guy One(standing on the scale): “Check it out Dude, I’m One Twenty Nine” Guy Two: “Dude, let me see” Guy One: “see Dude, 129” Guy Two: “Dude, That aint’ that bad” Guy One: “Yeah, Dude, but I’m like 2% body

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-927989392003-04-17T13:49:00.000-07:002003-04-17T14:06:32.000-07:00

At the gym today… Greg: “you’re going big today” (referring to my increase in weights) Me: “I’m large, I’m nationwide” Greg: “Walt Whitman?” Me: “ZZ Top”

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-927904632003-04-17T10:59:00.000-07:002003-04-17T14:06:18.000-07:00

WARNING There is an evil tide rising in the world and you need to be aware of it. It’s what I’m referring to as the “Doctor’s Visit” analogy. Want to make your stupid argument sound good? Use the "Doctor's visit" analogy. I've come across this twice in the last week. On marketing – “If your doctor acted like your Marketing guy, he'd spend an hour telling you about his cool stuff and then

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-925451812003-04-13T15:18:00.000-07:002003-04-13T15:27:50.000-07:00

Softball -- Cars -- Cigars -- Beer -- Rap Music -- Poker It's Tuesday of last week and I'm tearing through the work day, getting ready to leave for Chicago on a 5 day business trip. Lots of loose ends are getting tied up. More importantly, I'm looking forward to the opening of softball season that night. It's not just opening night -- Mark and I are going to have a long awaited cigar after

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-921323722003-04-06T23:15:00.000-07:002003-04-06T23:18:08.000-07:00

Two party system? We don't get invited to either. I pulled this off of CNN.com. FACT BOX Gasoline prices in selected cities. Prices are per gallon of regular: - Los Angeles: $2.12 - Seattle: $1.83 - Washington: $1.72 - Chicago: $1.69 - Philadelphia: $1.66 - Denver: $1.59 - Detroit: $1.58 - Houston: $1.54 - New Orleans: $1.53 - Atlanta: $1.44 It really sucks living in California.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-916870042003-03-30T20:43:00.000-08:002003-03-30T20:43:02.640-08:00

The new baseball season is here and hope springs anew for each and every fan. So you think you're a fan? Here's my handy rating system.. in a few seconds, you'll see how easy it is to find out what kind of fan you really are. For each of the following, choose which would you rather have; it, or your team as World Series Champions: the answers are cumulative, so a level 2 fan would take a

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-914403132003-03-26T14:58:00.000-08:002003-03-26T14:58:38.936-08:00

Alex, that's my two year old boy, asked me to turn off the radio on the way to school yesterday. "OK", I said. (I love talking to The Boy in the car - other people think I'm crazy until they see the car seat) He says "I want to sing you a song"... Well, if you've ever been with my daughter, you'll know where he got that from - The Girl just doesn't shut up... ever. She can sing for two hours

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-910432662003-03-19T22:25:00.000-08:002003-03-19T22:25:05.233-08:00

I'm so pissed off, I'm going to drive my tractor to Washington DC... Oh, yeah... in case you haven't heard, we started the party in Iraq tonight. I now have irrefutable proof that the law enforcement professionals around the world use the mustache to identify each other... I'm watching Auto Motor and Sport (a european automobile show) and they are showing the German equivalent to the Highway

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-901016872003-03-04T00:18:00.000-08:002003-03-04T00:18:33.076-08:00

I saw an old lady in the gym today - what, that's not very interesting? OK, she was digging in her bag and pulled out lead weights and duct tape. She proceeded to tape the lead to some dumbells, did her arm curls, pulled off the lead and tape and continued on her way. Why bring your own weights to the gym... and duct tape? Why start working out when you're pushing 80 years old? The

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-901013712003-03-04T00:08:00.000-08:002003-03-04T00:08:15.826-08:00

I'm going to coin a phrase right here and now. After test driving a bunch of cars over the last couple of weeks, I can say that cars around $40K are now required to have "Kung Foo Cup Holders". Imagine this - you slide into the car and stumble on an interestingly shaped little button equipped device. Being slightly more primate than evolved human, there is nothing you can do except push it.

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-901005182003-03-03T23:40:00.000-08:002003-03-03T23:40:28.200-08:00

Greg linked me to his Blog... nice to see him evening out the list a little bit... plenty of girls in his playground... I guess we know what that means... since this is the first link from an outside site, I guess I'll get thousands of readers now... I'm ready for the pressures of fame...

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-901002452003-03-03T23:31:00.000-08:002003-03-03T23:31:52.840-08:00

There is no better illustration of the difference between us and them than the story of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed who goes to the Philippines on business, hits a strip bar, gets an enthusiastic young lady to leave with him, and then and this is the kicker.. asks her to put money in a bank account. I'm trying to think if I've ever heard this story end quite like that. Usually, it's the guy hitting

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4062857.post-896513422003-02-24T08:52:00.001-08:002003-02-24T08:52:38.140-08:00

It’s true what they say about dogs – they take after their owners. My Golden Retriever named Bridget because of a weird thing she has going on with the hair on her nose (it’s kind of like a mini Mohawk). I need to clear something up right here and now – I did not name the dog. We have always picked up our dogs from the pound (Don’t be an asshole - Spay and Neuter) and Bridget came to us from

Johnnoreply@blogger.com0