The new baseball season is here and hope springs anew for each and every fan.

So you think you're a fan? Here's my handy rating system.. in a few seconds, you'll see how easy it is to find out what kind of fan you really are.

For each of the following, choose which would you rather have; it, or your team as World Series Champions: the answers are cumulative, so a level 2 fan would take a drink of water and a happy meal rather than see his/her favorite team win the world series.

1. A drink of water
2. A Happy Meal
3. Clean Laundry
4. A New High Powered Rifle
5. New Golf Clubs
6. A new Boat (power or sail - your choice)
7. Porsche GT3 (or GT2 if you really swing a pair - if mini van got anywhere near your mind then go back to level 2)
8. A hot babe - with a great "attitude" (hair color - your choice)
9. Your own satellite
10. The Playboy Mansion

You are all smart enough to know where you fit in already, but this wouldn't truly be in the trashy fashion magazine format if I didn't demean your perceptive abilities further by giving you the answer key and translate the results for you:

Level 1-3
These are all trick questions - a true fan does not need to wear a shirt at a game and can live entirely on beer and hot

dogs. But then again you didn't know that did you... you are not a fan.
Level 4
Dude, even Sammy Hagar got to level 5
Level 5
We are entering the acceptable range - especially for fans who have had their team win it all before. If you are a BoSox fan, and stopped here you might actually be a Yankee fan.
Level 6
Things are getting a little iffy for the fans at this level. I mean, cmon... it's a boat, golf clubs, and a rifle... that is a lot of entertainment to pass up.
Level 7
If you turn down a Porsche, you either already own one, or own the damn team.
Level 8
Are you freaking nuts? A Porsche and a hot babe?
Level 9
I threw this in for the dweebs. I knew they wouldn't really like a Porsche (it isn't as practical and stylish as a Saturn) and a hot babe would be so far out of their realm of consciousness they couldn't even imagine it.
Level 10
Shut up - there is no F'ing way you would got here. Oh, I get it, your wife was reading this with you... or you are a real BoSox fan.

Alex, that's my two year old boy, asked me to turn off the radio on the way to school yesterday. "OK", I said. (I love talking to The Boy in the car - other people think I'm crazy until they see the car seat) He says "I want to sing you a song"...

Well, if you've ever been with my daughter, you'll know where he got that from - The Girl just doesn't shut up... ever. She can sing for two hours straight and will expect you to listen to every word. It gets pretty old after awhile.

So, here I am in the car with The Boy and he sings the softest, least annunciated version of the A,B,C's... it was perfect. Every single letter was there and he even trailed off the "...won't you come and play with me". I looked at him through the rear view mirror and he gave me that big smile of his and said "again... you sing it with me".

Ya' know, I really like talking to my kids in the car because some days I don't get much better than that... and that singing will only really get old if they stop singing to me.

I'm so pissed off, I'm going to drive my tractor to Washington DC... Oh, yeah... in case you haven't heard, we started the party in Iraq tonight.

I now have irrefutable proof that the law enforcement professionals around the world use the mustache to identify each other... I'm watching Auto Motor and Sport (a european automobile show) and they are showing the German equivalent to the Highway Patrol -- Yup, the same Village People standard issue mustache, and yes, you should stop speeding...

I saw an old lady in the gym today - what, that's not very interesting? OK, she was digging in her bag and pulled out lead weights and duct tape. She proceeded to tape the lead to some dumbells, did her arm curls, pulled off the lead and tape and continued on her way.

Why bring your own weights to the gym... and duct tape? Why start working out when you're pushing 80 years old? The questions burn.

I'm going to coin a phrase right here and now. After test driving a bunch of cars over the last couple of weeks, I can say that cars around $40K are now required to have "Kung Foo Cup Holders". Imagine this - you slide into the car and stumble on an interestingly shaped little button equipped device. Being slightly more primate than evolved human, there is nothing you can do except push it. Then WHAM! this thing is flying in three directions all at once. You stare in amazement as the insanely bored sales person deftly hands you a clean white towel to sop up all the blood and gets out a zip lock baggie for the three fingers you just lost.

Greg linked me to his Blog... nice to see him evening out the list a little bit... plenty of girls in his playground... I guess we know what that means... since this is the first link from an outside site, I guess I'll get thousands of readers now... I'm ready for the pressures of fame...

There is no better illustration of the difference between us and them than the story of Khalid Shaikh Mohammed who goes to the Philippines on business, hits a strip bar, gets an enthusiastic young lady to leave with him, and then and this is the kicker.. asks her to put money in a bank account.

I'm trying to think if I've ever heard this story end quite like that. Usually, it's the guy hitting his bank account to -- how to say this -- retain the young ladies enthusiasm.

There is the other thing -- his business in town? Setting up a terrorist network. What an asshole.