Satire, it's the new black.

Saturday, December 27, 2003

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas
I know it's not exactly PC to use the term Christmas... We're supposed to say something like Happy Holidays, Seasons Greetings, or some other vapid little salutation... But I'm not. While I seriously doubt that this was the day a certain Nazarene made a mess out of some stable in Bethlehem, I do believe there was someone in that manger and the message attributed to him is one that we should all remember when the stress, loneliness, and frustrations of the season start to get to us and we don't really treat our fellow man with the care and respect we should... And if the carrot of a world improved by our forgiving treatment of each other, remember the stick... wasn't it the Christians who conquered most of the world and converted most of what was left? Who in their right mind would give short shrift to an organization like that? Peace to you all.

Saturday, December 20, 2003

More from the road...
On the way to work on Friday I was listening to the radio "KFOG traffic... We are reporting a multiple car accident on the south bound 580 at the 13 on ramp..." And just as I heard the news, it registers... I'm less than a minute away from that on ramp... And sure enough, I come around the bend and see a couple of cars, some cops and a blocked freeway.

So, here's where I get pissed off... The freeway is blocked BEFORE the on ramp... We SHOULD be moving at warp speed... But no. I'm behind several people who have never seen bent metal before, and now was the best time for them to check it out. I have a hint for all of the idiots driving the roads who have never seen a crashed car... Get your ass to a junk yard... Bring a sack lunch and spend the whole damn day... Bring the kids and call it an outing... Whatever it takes, get it out of your system. Then, when you are on the road, you can happily skip on by when a couple of drivers can't seem to successfully get to work through the rain...

Monday, December 15, 2003

Faking it
I'm home from work today because my daughter is faking the flu. She doesn't know how I know, but she knows I'm on to her. I was going to make her stay in bed all day, have nothing but water, 7Up and medicine but I couldn't take the whining. So, she's watching Noggin, eating and drinking and generally not doing what she's supposed to today... Not like me, I'm sitting here watching Food Network, writing to my Blog and... OK, so maybe we're both playing hookey today... But it's not my fault.

Monday, December 08, 2003

scared by clowns?
not me, but here's something really scary. I saw a license plate frame that read "My other Saturn saved my life"... I know that a lot of people get in accidents every day and that safe cars are a good thing... What I didn't know was that Saturn takes it one step further and actually has a marketable accessory for drivers who for whatever reason have destroyed one and have come back for another...

Shouldn't we think this through? If you just smashed up your car, and possibly someone elses in the process why don't we put you in a less safe car... Under no circumstances should you get anything big and/or well padded... how about a 1950's Subaru... then you'll need to be a more careful and conservative driver... or, at least the cars you keep sending to the scrap heap are less of a burden on the landfill... and you'll ber slightly less dangerous to the population...

Monday, December 01, 2003

There are those who think that life has nothing left to chance
I found out today that a friend doesn't like Rush... Not a ground breaking revelation… but, in a very specific way… to me… it is.

See, I remember when Rush 2112 was released – the very day. It was the first rock album I listened to at Marc’s house... the older, way cooler guy who lived next door... I was in grade school… he had a stack of Porno mags and a Camaro with custom paint and wheelie bars... trust me, nothing cooler... He invited me in to listen to it fresh from Licorice Pizza… drooling in front of his Marantz…

Who are those drummers?
That’s Neil Pert.
Neil Pert?
Yeah.
Who?
Dude, he “KICKS ASS” on the drums…
Yeah?…
Dude, he’s so good he gets chicks… Shut up and give me the freaking Doritos…

Rush, so much more than mere mystic altered-state phenomena